Not in Love
by yourveryownocturne
Summary: A look into the man behind the detective. L's personal thoughts & musings, his intuition and attraction to the man behind Kira. Please R&R!
1. Nightmare

He woke up in a nauseatingly cold sweat, drenched in fear. A scream. His dry mouth and pounding heart accompanied that familiar rush of reality, the pulsating consciousness which returned to him sanity. His parasympathetic nervous system began to slow down his heart rate and restore moist saliva to his parched mouth.

Moments later, the nightmare was completely forgotten.

Watari's heavy feet gently thudded familiarly down the hall until he reached Ryuzaki's door.

"Ryuzaki."

The younger man blinked and responded without turning around.

"Everything's fine. Sorry to wake you, Watari."

The elderly man jiggled the doorknob until the door gave way. Ryuzaki still did not turn around to face him.

"This is the third time this week this has happened. I know the rise of Kira must cause you at least some distress. Are you sure there's nothing troubling you?"

Of course there was. From the recent rise of Kira, to his current lack of suspects, to his mild depression as a result of his lack of suspects. Not to mention his ego being bruised as a result of Watari's intervention over the last few days. He didn't need Watari to rescue him from every unpleasant dream, from every moment of insecurity. He didn't even need Watari to express any sort of concern. Ryuzaki found sympathy to be demeaning. He prided himself on being independent, prided himself on not relying on anyone for anything. Watari's intentions were good, Ryuzaki understood that, but it was these good intentions that buried Ryuzaki in his own childish pride.

"No, I'm fine," he finally said. "Honestly, I cannot even recall the content of the dream. Thank you, Watari. You should return to sleep. Sorry to wake you."

Watari's soft face crinkled into a kind smile he'd reserved only for Ryuzaki. Even facing the wall, Ryuzaki could still feel the mockingly benevolent smile at his back. More good intentions.

The door creaked closed as it had opened. Watari's steps gradually faded until, eventually, they were inaudible.

Ryuzaki shifted in his bed until he was at least relatively comfortable. He kicked off his covers into an indistinguishable heap on the floor. He lay on his back, his intense gaze on the ceiling.

This whole episode was a primary reason as to why Ryuzaki disliked sleeping. The vulnerability, the dreams, the unpredictability. His brain was always extremely active, so naturally his dreams were incredibly vivid and uncontrollable. He preferred to get by on coffee and cat naps. Another downside to sleep was that he couldn't get anything done when asleep. He could get an incredible about of work done in the seven hours most people required at night, easily. The reason for him sleeping for the last week or so was under Watari's orders, as a result of stress Ryuzaki experienced under the Kira mystery. He had so many questions: who what when where why how? So far Ryuzaki had no idea. He knew that resisting Watari's orders would be useless. Watari knew best. Ryuzaki had silently obeyed, something he never did.

But this time, Watari was wrong. They both knew it. The nightmares proved it.

Ryuzaki swung his jean-clad legs around the side of his bed. He hoisted himself out of bed and ambled into the bathroom.

He flipped on the light switch. He watched his pupils dilate within his heavy black eyes in the mirror, something he always found fascinating. He gazed at his reflection with his usual apathy; he hadn't looked at himself in the mirror in ages. Nothing had changed. Pale skin, dark eyes cradled in darker circles, unkempt black hair that went every which way. None of this upset him; he'd grown to accept his slovenly appearance. It didn't matter to him. Very little did.

After gazing into his reflection and using the restroom, Ryuzaki returned to his twin-sized bed. He pulled his laptop out from under his bed, plugged the charger into the wall, and, working on somewhat of a hunch, began poring through files of the Japanese police. He knew that one of them was somehow connected to Kira. He wouldn't (couldn't) rest until he uncovered the truth.


	2. Kira

I went a little crazy with alliteration & poetic language in this part, but here you go.

**Kira**

After several days of relentless research and myriads of marshmallows overflowing in cups of liquid chocolate, after contacting the Japanese police in Kanto, Ryuzaki made plans to test his hypothesis by which he could catch Kira. He called the news network to test his experiment and received the okay for that Thursday night at 9 pm.

Ryuzaki would use a to-be-executed criminal (Lind L. Tailor) to pose on television as L. If Tailor died of a heart attack shortly after his introduction, Ryuzaki's deduction would be correct: Kira needed a name and face to kill. If Tailor lived, Ryuzaki would have to start from scratch. Starting from scratch would imply that he had been mistaken in his hunch. His faulty hunch would imply that his intuition was unreliable. The idea that his intuition was unreliable was almost unbearable. These inadequacies would rapidly snowball into depression. He would be left with nothing but computer cords and empty coffee cups. So as Kira-esque as it was to think it, Ryuzaki was depending on – no, hoping for –Tailor to drop dead of a heart attack on television.

It was at this moment, minutes before the broadcast of Lind L. Tailor on a supposedly worldwide television station, that Ryuzaki realized how similar he was to Kira. Words unwittingly came rushing through his head.

_Childish. Hates to lose. Clever. Fights for his own ideas of justice. Willing to go to extremes. Common goals: justice, success._

_Power._

Ryuzaki couldn't (wouldn't) dwell on it.

He turned on the television. The screen illuminated ominously in Ryuzaki's dark room, perhaps as a forewarning of the next few minutes, perhaps a mere coincidence. A cruel coincidence.

Ryuzaki was not nervous, never nervous. Analytical was a more apt word. Contemplative. Speculative.

He watched diligently, curiously, eagerly, as Tailor delivered his Kira spiel, in which he essentially invited Kira to kill him right on the spot. As Tailor exposed himself as L, Ryuzaki wondered if Kira believed the stunt. Did he truly believe that the esteemed, world-renowned detective L would reveal his name and face on television for Kira to murder with an open invitation? Come to think of it, maybe having a criminal pose as himself on television wasn't a very good idea after all. If Kira saw through it, he would understand L's intentions and wouldn't kill Tailor, to keep him guessing…

The moment passed. Lind L. Tailor's face twisted in sudden agony. Ryuzaki's eyes widened as his pulse began to quicken. He watched in fascinated horror as Tailor took his last breath, watched with a sense of relief as men in black suits from off screen lifted Tailor's lifeless body and carried it away from the camera. All this meant that Ryuzaki was closer to finding Kira, with the knowledge that Kira was based in Japan, but more specifically, near Tokyo. He even had it narrowed down to the Kanto region of Tokyo. His hunch had been dead-on, his intuition was accurate, he was right, he was vindicated.

He smiled. For justice, for vindication, for himself.

Ryuzaki picked up his wireless microphone and pressed a button that would disguise his voice. He watched his pseudonym, the English letter L in the font Old English Text, appeared on the computer monitor, then ominously on the television screen.

"Kira… I am L." He managed to keep his voice flat as usual. "I couldn't believe it until I witnessed it myself. You can kill without physically touching a person. The man you just killed, who died of a heart attack, was in fact a criminal. He would have been executed this very hour, had you not killed him on television. If you are so sure of yourself, so confident that you can kill me without even touching me... kill me. Go ahead. Try to kill me."

He challenged Kira so forwardly primarily for dramatic effect. He knew he was perfectly safe. He was beginning to feel a little overconfident and brash.

"Come on. Kill me! What are you waiting for?"

After a few more seconds of pause, Ryuzaki began to speak once more.

"So it would seem that you cannot merely wish someone dead. You need certain information. In return, I will tell you that this in reality was not a worldwide broadcast. In fact, the only place it aired was in the Kanto region around Tokyo. When the murders first begun, they were primarily in Japan. The first criminal was a victim, a method for you to test your powers. At first the Japanese police thought little of this murder, but it reveals that you, Kira, are Japanese, or at least based in Japan. The fact that you killed Lind L. Tailor confirms this theory. At this rate, with this information," he paused once more, a small smile dancing on his face, "I may send you to your execution soon.

"I am very curious as to how you carry out your murders. I wish I knew. But I suppose I'll have to wait until I catch you to find out. I will find you… Kira."

Ryuzaki (now more comfortable as his pseudonym) turned off the microphone and closed his laptop. He felt more satisfied than he'd been in… months? Years? Time seemed to have melted.

In spite of the fact that this broadcast was a milestone in the case, he knew the battle was far from over. Things could get better from here, or they could get worse. But for now, Ryuzaki felt invincible. At least for a while, there'd be no more nightmares, no more anxiety, no more forcing himself to sleep at inconvenient hours to appease Watari. And for now, that was enough.


	3. Promises

Sorry this chapter is short. I've been under a lot of stress and junk lately because of AP's. I might not update for a week or so. I apologize in advance. Hope you like it anyway!

**Promises**

"Through deduction and intuition, I have come to the conclusion that Kira is obtaining information from within this task force."

It was a warm night in late spring at the Kanto Hotel. The humidity was low; there were no clouds hiding the beautiful, clear moon; and the temperature was a lovely sixty-five degrees. It had been a few weeks since the Kanto broadcast, and since then, twelve FBI agents had begun investigation in Japan. All had been killed. The death of Ray Penbar specifically led Ryuzaki to suspect a few families of having ties to Penbar's death, and, as a result, to Kira. Ryuzaki had done more research and planned this hotel meeting with the top policemen in Kanto. Yagami Soichiro, Matsua Touta, Aizawa Suichi, Mogi Kanzo, Ide Hideki, Ukita Hirokazu. They were all sitting with Ryuzaki, all with their cellphones off and eyes transfixed on the boy of a detective. Six pairs of eyes widened at L's hypothesis.

"W-what do you mean, Ryuzaki?" Superintendent Yagami asked anxiously. L had told them to call him Ryuzaki rather than L, in order to avoid suspicion from any outside party. "Just to be safe."

"I mean," L said, "there is someone who is accessing police files through one of you six. Now that we've discussed that Kira might be a student, he's been killing at all hours of the day. As if to say, '_Now_ try to prove that I'm a student.' But that information was in our files only. This cannot be a coincidence. The only plausibility of how Kira has changed the times of the deaths is that he has access to the police files, through someone in this task force. Now, that being said, I've narrowed it down to two suspect families. These families will be monitored via hidden cameras and wires for the next week or so, or until we detect any suspicious activity."

Ryuzaki took a sip of liquid sugar that had once been individual cubes but had since been dissolved by coffee.

"Chief Yagami, since your family was among the families being investigated by Ray Penbar, I believe that you or a member of your family could have a possible connection to his death. Your family will be the first one under surveillance. If the activity in your household remains mundane and unsuspicious, the cameras and wires will be removed."

Yagami's eyes grew wide with astonishment and indignation.

"MY family? Why?"

"I have one other family under suspicion. As I said, we'll start with your house, but if or when I no longer suspect your family, I will remove the bugs and move on to another house. But I would like to start with your house. There is a five percent probability that Kira is among the two households. I would like to follow that lead since I have no others."

Yagami nodded and the others looked solemnly at L.

L stared boldly back. Ryuzaki felt insecure under the intense gaze of all these police workers. But in the end, L won the battle of conflicting emotions, and he looked down calmly, sagely, ominously into his cup of light brown liquid.

Ryuzaki and L were not different personas. L was only the cool, aloof, brilliant detective the man revealed to others. Ryuzaki was the human inside the detective. He was most often Ryuzaki around Watari. He disliked showing vulnerability to anyone else, so he was L as much as he could be. He would sometimes let himself slip into Ryuzaki, depending on whom he was with. But generally he preferred to avoid it if he could remain L, cool and in control. Ryuzaki and L was the same quirky, curious, sweet-toothed detective. He never let himself forget that. He would never lose himself in being caught up with trying to impress people. He simply disliked being vulnerable, human Ryuzaki around others, and preferred to be accomplished, clever L. It fed into the notion that he was, as he often admitted, childish. Most things were a game to him; he had to win them all.

"So that's settled. Yagami-san, Watari and I will set up the equipment in your household this Monday. Can we trust that everyone in your family will be out of the house by approximately eight in the morning?"

"Yes," Yagami said unwaveringly. "My wife should be the first one home at about one in the afternoon. Does that give you enough time?"

L nodded. "Thank you. Just to be perfectly clear, you cannot tell anyone about the bugs or cameras. Here," he took the crumbly donut left from earlier that evening and thrust it into the chief's hand. "You can have this donut if you keep it a secret."

Yagami was taken aback. This was, after all, one of the first meetings with the enigma of a detective. He took the donut and slipped it into his pocket.

You could never break a promise with Ryuzaki when he shared his dessert with you. It was essentially a contract. The donut was currently the strongest bond between him and Yagami. After all, he didn't share with just anybody.

Again, childish.

On that note, the meeting was adjourned, forever lingering in the unnaturally clean hotel room, the crumbly donut, and the half-empty coffee cup.


	4. Strawberry

Surprise! After studying all weekend, I managed to finish another chapter this evening. I was kind of in the flow, so here you go. Enjoy! Please critique if you have any suggestions, or let me know whether you like where it's going.

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><p><strong>Strawberry<strong>

That Monday, all the cameras and wires were set up throughout the Yagami household. Ryuzaki was anxious to begin monitoring the family's activity. Why? Because, in all honesty, he was bored. So. Bored. Watching the family would at least give him something to do, even if his hunch that Kira was among them was wrong. He'd worry about that later.

He sat at his wall of computer monitors, watching inquisitively as the doorknob to the front door of the Yagami house jiggled open. In walked Yagami Sachiko, Yagami's wife, with brown paper bags filled with groceries. Expected, characteristic, unsuspicious. He watched as she unpacked the groceries and placed them in the neatly organized refrigerator, sorted them in the pantry, and folded the paper bags tidily, stacking them in a pile in a corner of the kitchen. Ryuzaki watched her graceful movements for a few minutes before becoming bored again. She fit nearly perfectly the housewife stereotype.

He turned around in his swivel chair and leaned over his plate of desserts. He eyed each one individually with longing before settling on strawberry shortcake. He slowly devoured the fluffy cake, saving the strawberry for last. He glanced behind him, ensuring that Watari was not standing by to witness this private moment. The sweet, juicy, tender redness of the fruit filled Ryuzaki with such deep satisfaction that he leaned closed his eyes and adjusted his sitting position to one considered normal, with his back against the chair and his feet on the floor. He remained in this state for a while, nothing in his thoughts but bliss. Eating strawberries was, as far as his experience went, as close to heaven as he could reach. After several minutes of peaceful contentment, Ryuzaki returned to his hunch-backed, crouching position, so he could think again.

Yagami Sachiko was no longer in the kitchen. Ryuzaki switched the feed from the kitchen to the one in the living room. The subdued woman wash' folding laundry while watching the news on television. The repetitious movements of the woman lulled Ryuzaki into a state of sleepiness. For the first time in a few weeks, he fell asleep in his swivel chair, hands on his knees as his head nodded into his lap.

Ryuzaki awoke with a start several hours later. It was about four fifteen in the afternoon. He'd slept for about three hours and felt completely refreshed. Almost energetic.

He rubbed his eyes and focused on his computer screen. He'd woken up just in time to watch another Yagami family member enter the house.

This person was not the mundane character Yagami's wife had been. Ryuzaki's eyes widened. Something inside him sparked. Actually, two somethings.

A) The person who had just gracefully, charmingly, flawlessly entered the house was insanely attractive. Ryuzaki felt his insides heat up; he felt himself become dizzy, he felt feverish, he felt something flutter around somewhere within him.

B) This person was undoubtedly Kira.

Ryuzaki shook his head, as if to shake the thoughts out of his head. No. No no no no.

A) How could he feel such a strong attraction to someone he hadn't even met before, whose figure he watched only through a camera lens, as it glided elegantly across the room.

B) The person was Kira? That was ridiculous. Why had he even thought that? Perhaps it was his intuition. But while Ryuzaki's intuition was often accurate, he felt silly, almost ashamed that he silently accused the person of being Kira.

C) How could he be attracted to someone he expected to be Kira?

"Ryuzaki?"

The detective jumped in his seat, startled by the sudden human contact.

"Oh, hello, Watari."

"Have you witnessed anything interesting in the Yagami household?"

Oh, had he ever…

"Not particularly. Yagami's wife is completing some house work, and a young man I'm assuming to be her son just walked into the house. Nothing suspicious yet."

Watari nodded. "Would you like any sweets? Donuts? Cake? Cookies?"

Ryuzaki couldn't help his eyes lighting up, the attractive Yagami boy momentarily forgotten. "Yes, please."

Watari smiled benevolently and left the room, returning a few minutes later with a platter of sweets. The cycle of tenderly feasting upon the desserts began once again. Ryuzaki concluded with satisfaction that sugar would always be his only love. Even so, he couldn't help but let his eye wander toward the perfection (potentially Kira?) seated at the Yagami dinner table.


	5. A Beautiful Lie

A quick note: I do use L and Ryuzaki almost interchangeably. The difference is that, generally, L is more of the detective, Ryuzaki the human being.

**Thanks, everyone, for the favorites/reviews/watches. :)**  
>However, constructive criticism would be great. Even just a sentence or two about why you like it would be appreciated. I'd like to make this story even better. Enjoy!<p>

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><p><strong>A Beautiful Lie<strong>

"Yes, Yagami-san, come in."

The next day, Yagami entered L's computer room. The room was completely dark, save the unnatural glow of the computer screen. The detective was characteristically perched on the creaky wooden chair. He responded to the knock on the door without turning around.

"I've been watching your son," Ryuzaki's mouth formed the words. "He has just come home from school. Come, have a seat."

Ryuzaki and Yagami watched as the high school student trudged up the stairs into his room. Ryuzaki watched intently, unblinkingly, rubbing his thumb gently across his bottom lip, something he usually did without noticing. It was a comforting sort of habit, one that he'd had for as long as he could remember. He did it most frequently when he was working on a case or watching television.

Ryuzaki watched as Light Yagami inspected his door for half a second.

That half a second was long enough for Ryuzaki's intuitions to start kicking in.

_He can tell someone's been in there_.

Light knelt down and picked up the piece of paper that had fallen from the floor. The decoy had not fazed the boy; he'd seen through it effortlessly. He walked into his room as though nothing unusual had happened. Ryuzaki was impressed with this performance. The detective by nature was not easily impressible; Light already had the upper hand, leaving Ryuzaki vulnerable.

However, Ryuzaki said nothing of any of this to the chief. He was certain that the man had thought nothing of the paper in the door other than, _Why would my son need to see if someone was in his room? What is he hiding?_

Yagami's question was answered as his son strolled over to his bookshelf and pulled out a magazine. Ryuzaki zoomed the camera in on the cover: a half-naked model.

Yagami gasped audibly. "I can't believe… my son… I thought he was so well-behaved…"

L shifted his gaze momentarily to the distraught chief. "Yagami-san, keep in mind that your son is a teenaged boy. This type of behavior is normal."

However, Ryuzaki saw through Light's actions. He saw no desire in his face, no movement anywhere in his body, nothing but sheer boredom. This was just an act, as if to say, "I put that paper in my door because I have magazines like this." As if to say, "I'm a normal teenager who does ordinary things" – looking at crude magazines rather than murdering criminals.

L noticed the parallel between this behavior and the way Kira had changed his killing schedule after L had hypothesized that Kira was a student. His suspicion of Yagami Light was now at six percent.

However, he told none of this to the chief. It was better for him not to worry over six percent. Ryuzaki knew the graying man was under a lot of stress as it was.

Ryuzaki couldn't help letting his mind wander to the brilliant young man once more. Was he straight? That was another thing: if he was straight, he would have found some pleasure in perusing the erotic magazine. He had exhibited none. In that case, there was hope that they could be together…

No. Yagami Light was Kira. No, had to be Kira. Ryuzaki couldn't let himself forget that.

But still. He was brilliant. And incredibly attractive, not only physically, but intellectually. Exceedingly so.

Ryuzaki bit down on his thumb.

For one of the first times in his life, Ryuzaki felt completely vulnerable. In that moment, he vowed to himself never to let himself become this vulnerable again. All the same, he couldn't keep himself from stealing another glance of Light gracefully sprawled out on his bed, with all the lackadaisically of a young boy. An act. A lie.

A beautiful lie.


	6. Puzzle

Thanks reviewers! You guys make me happy. To others reading this fic, please review! I'd like to know your thoughts. And now, here comes another chapter. (Kind of short. I'm leading up to the action, sorry the story's been kind of slow so far.) Enjoy!

**Puzzle**

"As Yagami Light is currently my only suspect, in order to investigate more thoroughly, I will be enrolling at To-Oh University for the upcoming semester."

L announced to the investigative team of five his plans for the upcoming months.

"Are you sure, Ryuzaki?" said Matsuda. "It would be very time-consuming."

L shrugged. "Not particularly. I wouldn't attend class all the time. I would just go for the first few days, or at least until I have the chance of meeting Yagami Light-kun. From there I could get to know him, possibly even befriend him." A small smile unwittingly escaped from the detective, gone unnoticed by the police. "Then I could determine if he is in fact Kira."

Yagami Soichiro folded his arms across his chest, clearly insulted by L's suspicion of his son. All the same, he accepted L's decisions and valued justice over his own insecurities.

"In the time before then," L continued, "I will remove the bugs and cameras from the Yagami household. As Yagami Light is the only one I suspect in the family, I believe I will better monitor him at the university rather than at home, seeing as he has exhibited no peculiar or suspicious behavior in his home environment."

_In fact_, L thought, _he's not merely normal. He's perfect._

_Too perfect._

This façade the boy was keeping up, the mask of normalcy he wore was all so flawless. Well thought-out. Impenetrable. Ryuzaki couldn't help but adore it. Not the mask, but the way the young man wore it, with grace and expertise. It – the mask, and the man behind the mask – was like an intricate puzzle, begging to be solved. Ryuzaki would satisfy his need to solve it by enrolling at To-Oh.

All the same, he couldn't let himself forget about his quest for Kira. Yes. Yagami Light was Kira. His goal was to find evidence of that. It was the umpteenth time Ryuzaki had to remind himself. The umpteenth time since the first time he'd felt vulnerable.

"Watari, we will debug Yagami-san's house this Monday," L called over his shoulder, swiping his finger across a plate of frosting. He sucked on his finger thoughtfully.

"How will you approach Light, Ryuzaki?" Watari asked.

Ryuzaki swallowed. "I'm not sure. I might be blunt about it and introduce myself as L right off the bat… just to see his immediate reaction." _If he doesn't hide it, that is_. "Or if we have classes together, I'll strike up a conversation about them and see where it goes from there. I'm not terribly concerned."

Ryuzaki stole a glance at Chief Yagami.

"Yagami-san, keep in mind that the primary reason I am doing this is that your son is my only suspect. It is still early on in the case; I'm certain that more suspects will reveal themselves at some point." He dangled a strawberry over his mouth before stuffing the whole berry in, chomping quite audibly.

_Yagami Light._

_Brilliant student._

_Son of the Superintendent of the Tokyo police._

_Most likely Kira._

_But who are you?_


	7. Moment

Wow, this took forever. I fail at life, haha.

Enjoy zee seventh chapter. :D

**Moment**

_Today's the day_.

Ryuzaki walked into the auditorium where he and Yagami Light were to give their speeches. The two men, not surprisingly, had received perfect scores on their entrance exams. As a result, they were asked to each deliver their own speech about dedication and the importance of education on the first day of class. Watari, who had of course known about the speech prior to Ryuzaki's knowledge of it, had written one for the young man with a benevolent smile on his aged face.

His heart began to accelerate as he slowly approached the front of the auditorium. He saw the brown-headed genius sitting perfectly still in his seat, front and center. As he should be.

Ryuzaki took his seat under the pseudonym Ryuga Hideki, directly to the left of Yagami Light. Before he could say anything, however, the auditorium lights dimmed and the myriad of students fell silent. A man approached the microphone and introduced the two geniuses. They approached the stage, Yagami Light with a stiff back and a strict gait, Ryuzaki with the posture of a sleep-deprived detective.

They both gave their speeches without making eye contact with their audience, only going through the motions. They both had their ulterior motives which no one else would expect.

After receiving the polite applause with apathy, Ryuzaki meandered back to his seat, following the brown-haired boy. Ryuzaki decided this would be the only time to make his move – as a detective, that is. Yagami Light had just given a speech which required much self-control and restraint. Surely now he would be more susceptible to Ryuzaki's investigative methods.

"Yagami-kun… I know your father, and am aware of your past accomplishments in aiding the Japanese investigative force. I have faith in your abilities as an investigator and your deep sense of justice. I will tell you something that is vitally important to the Kira case, as long as you promise not to tell anyone."

The young man eyed L out of the corner of his eye. A spark of incredulity shot out of the clear brown eye into the curious stare of the disheveled man sitting beside him. He directed his gaze forward.

"I won't tell anyone. What is it?"

Ryuzaki felt an unwelcome smile tickle the corners of his lips.

"I am L."

Ryuzaki eyed Light's countenance with a gaze of intense scrutiny. Unblinkingly. Any single movement that was out of place, any nervous twitch or abnormal change in facial expression, would almost guarantee Yagami Light's identity as Kira.

However, the college student remained calm although still incredulous.

"If you are L, you are a man whom I greatly respect."

Ryuzaki allowed himself to smile. Just a small grin. The comment gave him a confidence boost, regardless of whether it was genuine.

"Thanks. I told you who I was because I expect you will be of great service to the task force in discovering Kira's identity."

Ryuzaki continued to examine the man beside him, but this time from a purely physical standpoint. His clear brown eyes were particularly striking. They showed very little emotion, a level of self-control Ryuzaki admired. However, he couldn't help wishing those brown eyes would scrutinize him with desire. Wishing they would reciprocate. The eyes remained forward, attentive, stern.

Light's body glowed with warmth. This surprised Ryuzaki; the young man's stern persona was aloof, withdrawn, cold. This welcome body warmth compelled Ryuzaki to move closer. But the detective knew he couldn't. He felt an ironic shiver travel the length of his spine.

Ryuzaki rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip before biting down on it.

For the remainder of the ceremony, Ryuzaki let himself remain in this state of yearning, slipping into oblivion, temporarily neglecting his responsibilities as L, world-renowned detective.


	8. Permission

**Permission**

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><p>"Light-kun," Ryuzaki breathed as he ran to catch up with his pseudo-classmate.<p>

"Yes?" The other man turned his head slightly.

Ryuzaki slowed his gait as he approached both Light and the limo parked near the sidewalk.

"It was nice to meet you."

"Oh yeah, definitely," Light replied, rather coolly for Ryuzaki's taste. "I'll see you around, Ryuga."

Ryuzaki waved goodbye as Watari opened the limo door. A bit extravagant, but enough of a statement to pique people's curiosity – but, more importantly, to intrigue Light. He slipped inside the mysterious vehicle gracefully, enigmatically, feeling Light's eyes on him. _Who are you, L?_, Ryuzaki wanted Light to wonder in solitude, as the detective would wonder about him. _Reciprocate_. He wanted to turn around in his seat and watch Light through the tinted window. But he would not succumb to the temptation. He would remain in control. The corners of his mouth twitched upward into the second smile of the day.

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><p>A light tapping.<p>

"Ryuzaki?"

The sound of tense breathing.

"Yes, come in."

Tentative footsteps.

"What's this about, Ryuzaki?"

The detective turned around to face the older man.

"Yagami-san, I would like to take your son out for coffee. I have some questions I need to ask him. Regarding Kira."

The elder Yagami felt color slowly drip from his normally pale face.

"You're not still suspecting him of being Kira, are you?"

L took a long sip from his cup of saccharine coffee. He fixed his gaze on the plate of treats in front of him, delicately lifting a petit four to his mouth.

"Still only five percent," he said, taking a large bite out of the cake. "This meeting will hopefully have some bearing on that statistic. So, with your permission, I would like to speak with him this afternoon."

Ryuzaki detected inner turmoil within the vexed police chief.

"Is that okay?"

Yagami stood with his hands firmly at his side. "If it is for the benefit of the Kira case, then I must agree."

L nodded. "Thank you, Yagami-san. You may leave."

The superintendent of the Kira case left the room as he had entered it. As Yagami slowly, distractedly closed the door, Ryuzaki felt a twinge of guilt. It was true, he did want to ask Light about the Kira case, and he would. But really, he wanted to do what he had asked: take Light out for coffee. Get to know him. Or not, depending on how heavily Light masked himself. The masking itself was inevitable; it was the extent of it Ryuzaki was intrigued by. Was Light ever really himself? Had he ever been? These were the questions he wanted answered. Not only could they help solve the Kira case, they could also help Ryuzaki begin to crack the case that was Yagami Light.

Hidden motives, secret intentions, buried emotions. Ryuzaki wondered if L could keep control of them.

Only time would tell.


End file.
